In April 2018, I deleted my most favourite app, Instagram.
Until April 2019, I didn’t re-install it even once. I must have accessed my account just two or three times (via web) in this time period.
My boss at the time encouraged me to take the decision and go cold turkey. I am still grateful to him for helping me make this decision. I was spending far too much on Instagram. The scrolling was endless, and so was the feeling of never being good enough.
The app was a favourite but it was deepening my depression. It led me into buying the lie that everyone had perfect lives, except me. It increased my self-pity and somewhat created an aversion against all the habits and passions I didn’t have: an extremely fit body, nature and gardening, reading (many) books regularly, looking ‘perfect’, and just generally feeling and being positive, loved and happy.
While this has a lot to do with our user behaviour on Instagram — many of us are invisibly pressured into ‘curating’ seemingly perfect lives online — its roots truly lay in my already crumbling mental health. It was important to force myself into a detox, and I am glad I did (even though that means I’ve never gotten to use IGTV).
Here Are My Two Key Learnings Since Deleting The Instagram App:
1. The FOMO was very manageable
Without Instagram, I didn’t really feel like I was missing out on a lot. It was oddly freeing to not have the app. When I was active on it, I spent a lot of time looking at other people’s stories — vacations, OOTDs, friend reunions, work successes, and more. I spent countless minutes (and hours) looking at influencers and celebrities. When I was off of Instagram, none of this mattered. I realised I was reclaiming so much of my mindspace. It was oddly freeing.
After a few months, I was forced to quit my job and focus on some other aspects of my life. I was forced to come to some harsh realisations and prioritise conversations and connections. By then, many friends and family members knew I wasn’t on Instagram. When they shared something important on the app, some of them also started sharing it with me through another medium.
Conclusion: My mind felt (and sometimes still feels) too choked. I realised it was okay to remove the excess at least from my phone, and take time to refocus. (Apart from Instagram, I also deleted every other app I truly didn’t need.)
2. It didn’t make me feel isolated or uncool
It’s not fair that we feel like we need social media and a thriving online presence to feel cool. It’s definitely important, but it can’t be that one defining factor of how cool or connected we are. I enjoyed the break from Instagram (and still do).
It’s important to actively push for a social media rest from time to time. My break from Instagram also taught me more about the fleeting nature of social media validation. I realised it was oddly comforting to not have to check whether a photo or story was ‘doing well’ or not.
While deleting Instagram didn’t make me feel isolated, depression definitely did. I needed some quiet time. I needed to also give myself time to feel like initiating conversations and be honest and responsive to others. At such a time, Instagram and other social media platforms were invisibly forcing me to ‘keep up’ with a side of me that was being chipped away at. I couldn’t naturally express happiness at several posts, while it was difficult to feel anything at all.
Deleting the app also encouraged me to take my time off of other social media platforms, and actively say anything only when I needed to or when it came naturally to me.
So, Will I Ever Get The Instagram App Again?
Yes, with time.
Over the last three months, I’ve intermittently downloaded Instagram for work purposes and used it on the web (yes, like actually on instagram.com) to check on posts. I’ve even replied to some messages an actual year later. Whenever I’ve re-installed the app, I’ve never felt the need to spend a lot of time on it. In fact, I’ve felt a lot more disciplined and in control of my actions. I no longer go into a ‘Search’ frenzy and end up learning about a 100 things I don’t need at this point.
I don’t dislike Instagram. In fact, on some days, I miss it. All I know is that I have a healthy approach towards it now.
And that’s definitely a good thing.