In all probability, you yourself or someone dear to you was sexually abused as a child.
This is an open letter meant for all those who raised some interesting questions about me and my campaign against child sexual abuse.
I am Mariam Rauf, an English language teacher and a fitness trainer.
I run a campaign called #TeachKidsSafety. It is supported by 40,000 people on change.org. It asks the Kerala government to implement compulsory Personal Safety Education (PSE) workshops in Kerala’s schools for students, parents, teachers and staff. It was awarded and covered by The Quint this January as well.
I also am a Personal Safety Educator myself, I got trained to protect children from the kind of experiences I had to go through. I know that teaching children body safety can be as simple as teaching children road safety.
It’s possible that many of you may have had the same doubts the children’s parents had about me, and I hope this article educates us all towards placing questions on abusers rather than on abuse survivors.
If you were under 18 when somebody groped you in public transport or passed an inappropriate sexual comment about you online/offline or undressed in front of you (there’s a long list of touch and non-touch forms of sexual abuse) – whether you were able to fight them back or hit them or not – you too are a child sexual abuse survivor.
The Government of India (WCD 2007) study showed that half the kids in India are being abused. This unfortunately means that in any WhatsApp group comprising parents, half their kids have already been abused.
Parents may want to disagree with this and claim that their child has been safe every single moment, but the truth is that most children overcome these experiences without any signs, symptoms or even memories (scientific term: ‘traumatic memory’) which may or may not crop up at a later stage.
When the memories and realizations from childhood hit me at the age of nineteen, I confronted my abusers and told them their actions were unacceptable and to never hurt another child ever again.
Now, before I answer your questions, my questions to you are:
- Why are your questions all about me?
- Why are they not regarding abusers, or where they may be found and how to identify them (they’re all over the world and around your children as well)?
- Why aren’t your questions about what steps your family or colony has taken to safeguard children better?
- Did you ask if your child’s school has a Child Protection Policy?
- And that one time when you told your child to hug or kiss that relative even if they didn’t want to, didn’t you take away their ability to say ‘no’ to someone?
Some of those who raised questions are a set of paediatricians who have opportunities to meet minors every day. Have they educated children who visit them about body safety rules or encouraged their parents to do so?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALE4C9fioJE&t=167s
If the Kerala Police and the NCRB agree that 50% of Indian kids are being abused, how many times have they suspected that a child coming to them as a patient only has that fever or tiredness as a result of child sexual abuse?
We administer vaccines by charts, why not administer knowledge about keeping the body safe in similar stages?
And to now answer your questions about me:
- “Why didn’t you confide in your parents when it happened?”
Kids don’t have the right vocabulary for this, which is why we need Personal Safety Education which teaches body safety rules.
- “Why didn’t your parents notice a change in your behaviour?”
Most children show zero signs of having been abused, very few do. As a doctor, did you know that jaw pain and itchy eyes can be symptoms? If no, this is why we need Personal Safety Education.
- “Were your parents too busy to notice?”
I am asking the government to introduce a prevention programme to solve the public health crisis called ‘child sexual abuse’ and you’re stuck in my life’s past? On a serious note – most children show no signs and as already mentioned abuse can be of non-contact forms.
- “Is it really necessary for Mariam to mention her personal experience when she speaks about her campaign?”
I say that I am a survivor to make people know that millions of children and adults are silent about this and that it is just another type of wound we can prevent, redress or heal from. I am using my voice to end an injustice. Do you think fighting for kids to be safe is a shameful thing to do? How strange.
- “Isn’t Mariam shaming herself and her own family by speaking about this openly?”
Any injustice needs to be spoken about for it to end. I feel no shame in saying that I was abused, shame on the abusers who abused me and shame on those who believe that the child is to be blamed.
My sole intention here is to improve our understanding of how child sexual abuse works – because if you can’t respond to my story or a survivor’s story sensitively, maybe you haven’t opened a sensitive safe space for your child to open up to you about their lives’ problems either.
Place all the questions and the blame on the abusers and the systems in place, not on survivors and their stories.
Complain less, take positive actions more. Let’s make Personal Safety Education reach society to build a better world together.
Sign our petition here. Reach out to collaborate with us on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Watch our video about the importance of the cause.