As a feminist, I face brickbats each day. And while I am fine and can handle most things – there are some things which make me super annoyed.
Somethings which are repetitive and for sure suck!
I shall start with defining feminism as per the dictionary – “it’s a struggle for equal rights and opportunities for women”
Here are 10 things that I am really tired of (and I may actually have to increase this list later):
1. Defining feminism as per the dictionary each and every time. This must be the most misunderstood and misused word for that last 10 decades. I did that as a reflex reaction even before starting this A2A.
2. Hating men is misandry. That’s what the dictionary says. Now it seems to be the only word which everyone – men and women both – use interchangeably with feminism. So I would put the definition of misandry as the most incorrectly “not used word” ever.
3. Being a feminist has become a slur or cuss word. So if someone says something anti-men, it is deemed feminist. But the dictionary says being anti-men is misandry – then WHY?
4. Women who believe in “equal rights for women” always put a defined qualifier – “I believe in equal rights for women – but I am not a Feminist”. At most such moments I would love to present the women with a dictionary but that costs money – and since the good part is we have free access to word meanings on Google I merely take the pains of helping them use Google.
5. The most horrific reaction to feminism I get is when I meet a man who believes in equality and works towards it. And when I say “I’m glad you are a feminist” (in the most complimentary tone I can). This is generally followed by a near fainting episode of the man or him vehemently denying this. The look he gives almost always is of horror or complete shock or a comatose pause. The funny aspect – when the man does calm down and does tend to see sense after debates around dictionary meanings – there is almost always silence. Utter and complete silence.
6. All feminists are single or divorced and that’s because they hate men. Wow, this is like “HOW THE HELL DID THIS COME UP” moment, each time I read it. The sheer number of “out of the closet” feminists I know who are happily married to other feminists and raising feminist kids is astounding! One famous example of a feminist recently marrying her love is Sonam Kapoor.
7. Feminists are thought to be ugly, mean looking, shabby – women who have excess body hair and for sure don’t know where the beauty parlour is or what it does. Explaining that feminism is what it is vs this crappy version of what she should look like is amazing (and remember we have loads of men not knowing that they are feminists). Just to highlight a few super cool women whom I think are Feminists from Bollywood – Priyanka Chopra and Kangana Ranaut – and both know where physical beauty products are kept. An ideal example of a feminist man for me is Sachin Tendulkar 🙂
8. The moment you say the word patriarchy – all women attack men and men get defensive. This is specially defined in large mixed audiences (I am a trainer who does gender sensitization sessions). Now the funny bit is – patriarchy is a mindset and even women have the very same mindset! In fact, I am constantly surprised at how many women are patriarchal in their thoughts and deeds!
9. I interact with a bunch of over-sensitive men who, just to prove me wrong, equate a heinous crime to something horrible as a justification. The example I am referring to is a situation where men and women of an NGO were held hostage by vigilantes. The men were beaten and made to drink their urine and the women were raped. I spoke about and wrote about it – and I had men telling me that rape of a woman is equivalent to a man drinking urine! And when I didn’t give up on the argument – they ended up tut-tutting like ‘Oh you feminist types never understand anything!’ Still wondering how that equation even worked out in their minds.
10. The worst ever – when I am raising an issue like rape, dowry, domestic violence which affects women – I have a bunch of men telling me “why do you only speak about women? Why don’t you raise men’s issues?” Now my issue is – I come from a country which is dying under the weight of anti-women stands – we actually have a negative male to female population count. And I have men who can, with a straight face, say this to me! I have a beautiful and amazing nation – but women of this very nation are struggling. I cannot understand how raising women’s issue becomes an anti-men stand?
There is more…
And I may actually be adding to this very soon 🙂
But for now – just closing with a tired sigh!
I regularly write on my blog and you can catch my first book “A Normal Indian” on www.anormalindian.com.