By Rajashree Gandhi
Definition:
The act of arousing your partner
digitally, with the use of literary talent
you thought you never had. It is most
certainly a threesome: you, your partner
and Mark Zuckerberg.
Tools:
An eggplant stuffed into a chocolate doughnut
is every chef’s nightmare, but for the lazy sexter
who employs emojis for communication,
it works fine. In case your partner likes baking,
try banana and honey pot, add a pair of cherries.
Beware:
Typos are speed breakers, and
autocorrect has kinky preferences: people
ducking each other. Clit becomes clot,
penis becomes peon, babyyy becomes babbling.
Moans:
are inconvenient to spell.
Google translates:
“मैं तुम्हारे होंठ सेंक दूँ” into “I can bake your lips”,
“can we fuck tonight?” into “क्या हम आज रात बकवास कर सकते हैं?”
“तुम्हारी पीठ सहला देता हूँ” into “give you a backpack”.
Most languages are step-daughters
of the internet.
Official Language:
as if there was no passionate sex
here before the East India Company
declared our languages inadequate,
rude, creepy, childish – despite
the fruity curves in their alphabet,
words twirling sounds into images
shells of idiom hosting pearls of
meaning at the sea of metaphor,
and yet every day at midnight
the imperial tyranny of English
wriggles into our colonised beds.
This article was originally published here in the May 1, 2018 edition of In Plainspeak, an e-magazine on issues of sexual and reproductive health in the Global South.
