I still remember the first time I asked my mother the meaning of the word “rape.”
It was during a lazy afternoon, and my 12-year-old self was curious about this new word I kept hearing in the news: “balatkar”. And if that wasn’t enough, I’d also seen the word “rape” repeatedly flashed in the headlines, so naturally, I needed to know what it meant.
Back then 12-year-olds didn’t have cell phones (or at least I didn’t), so ‘Googling it’ meant waiting for your computer to turn on, then waiting for your modem to connect to the internet, and occasionally, trying to figure out why the internet wasn’t working despite your computer stubbornly claiming that it was, in fact, connected.
Till date I can recall her exact reaction in my mind very clearly. As soon as I uttered the word “rape” from my mouth, my mother completely froze and stopped what she was doing. You see, she was the kind of parent who’d hastily change the channel if I was in the room and anything even remotely sexual was on the screen, or would ask me to leave the room when she was watching her English TV dramas, fearing I might be exposed to “anaap-shanaap chezein”. So then how was she supposed to explain to her naïve, young daughter what rape was?
I don’t remember what her answer to my question was, but I’m pretty sure she brushed it off. However, it didn’t take me long to figure out the meaning of said word, since my curiosity won, and I decided that my need to know surpassed the mild annoyance I’d have to face while waiting for my internet connection to work. And hence, that day I discovered what the words “sex” and “rape” meant, and what the underlying difference between both those terms was.
This was back in 2008. Today, things are much different. Kids have much more exposure to the outside world, due to ease of access to cell phones and social media. Furthermore, with extensive media coverage on rape cases within a country where 106 rapes occur almost daily, and where crimes against minors have soared 500 per cent over the past 10 years, it’s hard to keep younger kids in the dark about sexual violence and harassment.
The need to educate our young ones about sexual harassment arose once more quite recently when the nation was left shell shocked after discovering one of the most barbaric rape cases in the country in recent years, possibly worse than the 2016 Nirbhaya rape case. An eight year old girl, Asifa Bano, was abducted, raped and murdered by six men in Rasana village near the Kathua district in Jammu and Kashmir. After learning about such horrific cases, how does one equip a child to protect themselves? How does one ensure that a child does not fall prey to such unspeakable acts of barbarism?
Many would argue that there should be no need for children to defend themselves, and that the government should implement laws harsh enough to deal with the perpetrators of such horrendous crimes. And while that would be the ideal solution, India’s rape crisis shows no signs of abating any time soon.
This brings us back to the question: How do we talk to children about sexual harassment and rape?
The first step is to have conversations with them about these topics, and use the news as a means to educate, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. And under no circumstance should you brush off their questions regarding the same, because if they don’t learn it from you, they will from somewhere else (much like I did from the internet), and there’s no saying as to what kind of information they might obtain from third party sources. Other than that, we must educate them about their bodies, clearly highlighting the difference between ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’, and start stressing the importance of consent, and the word ‘no.’ Most importantly, we must teach them to never feel ashamed, and assure them that they’d never get in trouble for speaking out against any harassment they might have experienced.
Parents and schools alike should also invest time and give importance to sex education, and have conversations with children about respecting the other gender. Teaching them how to handle rejection and not get caught up with emotions also plays a huge factor, since adolescence can be a tricky period for many. Parents should also talk to their children about their mental health, and keep a check on their online activities, to ensure they’re in a safe and healthy environment. It’s scary to think about how dangerous the outside world is, not only for us, but for our children as well. But by implementing these small, but crucial steps, we might be able to curb such incidents, even by a small margin. Sexual predators are unfortunately prevalent almost everywhere today, and hence, we must be able to educate our kids about the same, not letting our personal discomfort or opinions about such exposure get in the way.