[This article is satire so please don’t haunt me before reading the entire piece].
Priyanka Chopra was recently trolled and received heavy criticism on Twitter.
The reason? In the American TV show “Quantico”, she was playing the role of an FBI agent foiling the plot of Hindu terrorists.
Obviously, how could Indian nationalists, country-loving, statue-building, lovers of lynching not respond to this?
She was immediately told to “go to Pakistan” and received the monikers of ‘traitor’ and ‘anti-national’.
I, for one, am overjoyed with this event. Let’s have a look at not just one but five rock-solid reasons why she ‘deserved’ the criticism.
1. Terrorism Is A Muslim’s Job
What were you smoking Priyanka? Are you totally doped out of your mind? Why show Hindu terrorists when it’s a well-established fact by Trump’s research teams and certified by RSS ideology that killing and terrorising people is only done by Muslims? Are you trying to cost them their jobs now?
Only Muslims terrorise and kill, right? And Hindus are the most peace-loving and open-minded people on the planet. A few screens from the film “The World Before Her” will help demonstrate this.
So, PC, you were obviously wrong to play a role in a program where Hindus are portrayed terrorists, even if it’s fiction!
2. Dating A White Boy!
What would our desi aunties think? And worse, what kind of example are you setting for young Indian girls? What if they follow in your footsteps and start dating non-Indian men and realise how open-minded and grown up they are? For instance, they don’t need wives to wash their undies for the rest of their lives! Priyanka is shaking the very foundations of Indian marriage and Indian culture as the picture below demonstrates.
That is what Indian women are for. (The dude above is talking about his daughter by the way, not Priyanka.)
3. Visiting Rohingya Camps
Clearly, it’s an established fact that all Rohingya are filthy terrorists, including the toddlers and teenagers who are loaded with weaponry and arms looking for a chance to destroy India. I mean, if the Indian government is deporting them and not one country wants them, then clearly they are all psychotic monsters. Why would Priyanka visit them and show sympathy for them? Why do such a despicable thing?
Look at their bloodthirsty faces and hateful eyes. Why would you ever visit them? Clearly, you don’t deserve to be in India.
4. She Is A Woman After All
What are you trying to achieve with that “Quantico” bullshit? Your 10 years of UNICEF Ambassadorship is bullshit if you do not know how to make round rotis. You are a woman, what are you trying to even prove running around with white people in a white nation? Hasn’t Bollywood given you enough respect and money that you had to betray them and try your talent in a foreign nation?
5. She Wore A Dress And Not A Saree For The Royal Wedding!
Oh my God, this is the worst crime Indians have had to suffer since Milind Soman decided to tie the knot!
And this is not your first time disrespecting ‘Indian culture’. How could you dare to flash your legs in front of the Prime Minister of India?
I’m sure you saw it coming. How come every couple of days, you manage to do something to upset ‘Indian culture’?
This is it. Hence, you ‘deserved’ to be trolled and Indians hope that you learned your lesson.
Your apology is useless now and we only hope that you adopt an Indian saree and ghoonghat dress code, dump your white boyfriend, return to India, marry an Indian chosen by your parents and spend your life indoors watching “Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi” (more like”Priyanka Bhi Kabhi Famous/Ambitious Thi.” )
If not, you can directly go to Pakistan – you don’t ‘deserve’ to live in India.
But wait, haven’t you already settled in the USA? Got your green card? Can you send us a sponsor letter for the American visa application?
Anyway, satire aside, on a serious note, the best thing to have happened out of all this was the actual grilling of famous chef Atul Kochhar.
Turns out, you can be as big of a bigot in India – that’s kind of our thing actually – but when you live and work in a Muslim country like the United Arab Emirates and your livelihood kind of depends on Muslims, you can’t be a bigot and not face consequences.
And look how quickly the bigotry changed into mercy pleas. This is literally the shortest lesson ever received in the history of bigotry:
But the bullshit apology didn’t work.
Here’s what JW Marriott, Dubai had to say.
God, how awesome it feels when justice is served to bigots. Once a bigot, always a bigot, you keep on slaying ‘desi girl’.