I have been a student of spirituality for almost 15 years, a spiritual thinker and teacher for nearly a decade, and an Indian woman for 32 years!
I was brought up by a set of amazing parents, who taught me that having a female body was neither a shame nor a disadvantage. I grew up as a fairly confident young girl. Fortunately for me, I was also sent to an all-girls’ school in the wonderful state of Goa. In spaces like that, feminism is a loud affirmation. So, by the time I reached adulthood, I was confident and unstoppable. But adulthood brought with it a painful realization of the real world, where there were ridiculously framed rules and unspoken norms assigned for the females in the society. The anger became agony, and the agony became self-doubt, and the self-doubt became fear, and the fear became helplessness. And I do not think I would have ever forgiven the world for being the way it is if it wasn’t for my timely exposure to true spirituality. It brought me strength, inspiration, and clarity.
The more I understood the ancient Indian thought, the more obvious feminism and egalitarianism became to my mind. But as I also grew into the world of spirituality as it exists today, I realized that the Indian spiritual psyche of our age stinks of subtle patriarchy, subliminal sexism, underlying chauvinism, and deep-seated gender bias all over. The philosophy of Oneness seems to make great conversations and discourse, but never really makes it to the everyday behaviours of the so-called spiritualists. In fact, many of them cleverly use mysticism and philosophy to rationalize irrational ideas of menstrual shame, gender stereotyping, discrimination at the workplace and even domestic violence.
As my heart cried, I began to reach out to girls and women in an act of inevitable solidarity, and strangely for me, ladies from all across the world responded in unexpected ways. We shared inspiration and tears and anger and pain, no doubt, but most importantly, we shared the truth. I realized there is so much pain so many women live with all their lives, not because they do not know spirituality, but because they know it all wrong.
As much as I loved the idea of non-dualism which my spiritual master Swami Chinmayananda championed all his life, I became more and more convinced that this is the idea that needs to reach the hearts of every human being on our planet. I knew this can bring solace and strength because that is what it did to me. It healed me, and I still use it very effectively as a therapy in my wounded times.
Non-dualism is an idea of Oneness, which transcends the gender of our bodies, the nature of our minds, and the calibre of our intellects. It declares very succinctly that we are all made of the same subtle substance which is Infinite in its nature. The body, the mind, and the intellect are mere wrappers as though holding the same precious life-spark in all beings. Non-dualism is not about a religion or a God, it is the kind of spirituality that talks of an Infinitely vast idea called Oneness, and whisperingly declares it to be everyone’s inner-being!
Non-dualism says that the same infinite spirit of intelligence and love lies hidden in all of us – irrespective of gender. Non-dualism embraces all social and sexual differences and regards it all as merely functional. The entire Indian culture is based on this lofty idea, which enables our temple carvings to display erotic sculptures of heterosexual and well as homosexual sex.
Today, the orthodox sexist does not believe that menstruating women deserve to enter a place of worship. But our ancestors built temples in their honor. In the Kamakshi temple in Assam, a menstruating Goddess is worshipped. We have festivals to celebrate menstruation in states like Odisha and Uttar Pradesh. How did menstruation become impure? Which Veda declares a menstruating woman as unworthy of doing anything – whether sacred or secular? The answer is none. Yes, if the woman wants to rest, she will. But if she wants to pray or play or work or worship or cook or cuddle, she must. This is Indian culture. The so-called religious dogmas we live with have no true approval from the textbooks which form the very base of the most ancient continuous religion in the world.
We have stereotyped men and women to an extent, where a brave or hardworking woman is said to be ‘like a man’, and it is a compliment! And a loving or sensitive man is never said to be ‘like a woman’ and such comments are highly unwelcome. An angry man is often perceived as an angry man. But an angry woman is a mad woman. And yes, in those very words!
To learn the philosophy of Advaita or non-dualism, I learned Sanskrit. And it is rather interesting to know, that almost all words in Sanskrit have both feminine and masculine forms! Even nouns have synonyms in all genders. While gyana (Sanskrit word for knowledge) is a masculine word, its synonym vidya is feminine! Moksha or liberation is masculine, but mukti is feminine. While bhakti (divine love) is feminine, prema is masculine. When the ancestors of this land did not even allow language to have a gender bias, how can we believe that they would approve of such terrible and confining lack of gender-neutrality? All attributes and human qualities belong to all genders. Sorry world, but bravery is not manly and love is not womanly, they are both humanly!
One of the biggest allegations against me as a monk has been that I wear salwar kameez in public, and I am not always draped in a saree! I have spent years succumbing to such judgments and living by the dictates of those, who determined my character by my clothes. I have seen those very people, in their so-called perfect traditional uniforms, violate basic principles of truth, justice, human care and love sometimes. Yet, it took me years of thinking, a lot of studies, and much more growing up, to learn that this is NOT Indian culture at all! This is sexism at its best. Of course, I love draping myself in a saree and I do it all the time when I want to.
Our Vedic women and men wore only unstitched clothes. There were no blouses or shirts ever. Yet, nobody thought it was vulgar or desperate on the part of a woman to show her skin any more or less than her counterparts. It was entirely her choice! The weaknesses of one gender were never the cause of the sabotage of the freedom of another. A nude woman could be wise, and an ochre-clad man could be vulgar, a mini-skirted girl can be cultured, and a dhoti draped guy could be a pervert, a high-thinking philosopher can wear shorts, and a narrow-minded woman can drape a saree around her. It is all possible because clothes mean nothing more than clothes. Someone’s taste of clothes never should be used to define their character, nor should anyone be pushed to comply with the dictates of other people on their way of dressing. Is this much of a fundamental freedom so difficult for a society which has evolved from the Vedic philosophy of love all as divine?
I kept wondering how this beautiful philosophy of India degenerated to this extent. And I realized that the reason is “ignorance” or Avidya. Yes, not knowing the truth of the non-dual philosophy of India, has made our entire society a victim of silly practices, which completely destroy all that which the great subjective scientists of the past lived and taught all their lives.
A philosophy like this, which can be used to embrace all people of all genders, sexual orientations, castes, and classes, has become a means to judge and moral-police the choices of each one. Did our ancients not drink or smoke? Did our ancients not have sex or live-in relationships? Did our ancients not have all-nighters or eat non-vegetarian food? The Vedas are full of mentions of all of this and more, without putting anyone through the warped lenses of narrow definitions of right and wrong. Yes, these choices had their consequences, they still do. Making someone aware of the consequence but letting them be with their choices irrespective, and yet being there for them no matter what is the Vedic method of love – a method of complete freedom. Can’t we as a society gather the courage to do even this much?
Women, who divorce, are often perceived as inadequate. Men, who cheat in a marriage, are expected to be forgiven. Rapists are justified and victims are asked to change their way of clothing. It is considered to be a bio-cultural tradition to give gender-based roles to men and women in a marriage, so also at work. It took me years to break the glass ceiling, and prove that I could do more than taking care of children. I still don’t know whether I broke it or whether I just found new skies. But, I know I lived with it and it wasn’t easy. I do love teaching kids, and I love teaching the youth and I love teaching adults too, and choose to do what I choose to do.
Motherhood is glorified, and it must be. But so should be fatherhood. A father alone can not create a baby, nor can a mother do it alone. Then why is the mother expected to take care of the baby while the father fulfills his intellectual dreams? Why is sacrifice made into such a feminine trait that most women live as frustrated martyrs trapped in their own lives? No, it is not true that the cavewomen did not hunt. Nor is it true that the caveman never fed his child. And even if both of those claims may be true, we are not cave-dwellers anymore! In an evolved society, roles of people must evolve too. Fathers can be caregivers to their children, and do it as well as the mothers. Let’s give them a chance!
I was fortunate I had the philosophy of non-duality and the rock-solid inspiration of my Master Swami Chinmayananda to get me out of the damage patriarchy and sexism could do to me. But, I know that almost every other woman lives with all of this. And interestingly, even the women around us don’t see a need to raise an alarm. Feminism is considered not only unnecessary but at times, even a mere tantrum.
Historically, feminism began when women wanted the right to vote. And so, we are told today, that feminism has no relevance in a society where women are already free. I ask, if women are not free to pursue feminism, how are they free to do anything else? Who are we to define the extent of freedom that we want to offer to half our population? Should it not be their choice?
If I am ever told that I can not do something because I lack a skill or an ability, I can learn new skills, develop new abilities and become more deserving. But if I am told I can not do something because I lack a male body, there is nothing I can do to correct that. And that hurts. It hurts every girl, every woman. It hurts in a way that is inexplicable. And thank goodness, I know that THIS is not Indian culture.
The Vedic women did all rituals and worked with their male-counterparts as equals. They became teachers, philosophers, mathematicians, physicians, astrologers, poets, and even goddesses. The philosophy of non-duality refuses us the right to define anyone by their body or mind. Then, how did conversations on gender-parity become a taboo in a culture like that? Feminists are mocked and often talked about like people with lesser character, and that too often by people who are the keepers of our culture so to say.
A lot of such people in India believe that feminism is against the culture and traditions of this great grand country. But, Vedic traditions were never stubborn. They lived by the philosophy of oneness, love, happiness, and peace, and yet allowed varied practices to grow, evolve and adapt on the sturdy and fertile river-bed of non-duality. Even if certain practices were thought of as relevant at a particular time in history, it was always only normal to allow those practices to catch up with changing times, or die their own death. But it is against all forms of philosophical compliance to make the people suffer in the name of culture, but refuse to change. In a world where the female population has to battle so much for something as simple as gender-neutrality, feminism’s relevance can never be understated. And what the society needs so much can never be anti-Indian culture!
But feminism is not really a very welcome trait in most of the Indian society even today. People watch debates on TV and read books about feminism, but do not want feminist emotions to rise. I have been feminist-shamed so often that there are times when I have actually sat down wondering if it was even right to stand up for a cause like this. But, I realised that asking for people to be treated like people, wanting less judgment and more loving, urging the urgency to accept the purity of a menstruating woman, demanding equality of a woman and her husband in a marriage, seeking the freedom to do and dress as per one’s choice, wishing to live free, is not feminism at all. It is non-dualism. It is the most ancient philosophy in the world. It is the culture of India.
Women are as alive and as infinite as the men around them. The same consciousness throbs in all. The same bliss encompasses all. They all share the same existence. And this Oneness is a concept way more vast than even equality. This Oneness is not feminism. This is non-dualism. This is the final message of the Vedas. This is the sum total of all of Indian culture. This is true spirituality. And I commit to exercising it till I am alive. What about you?